


i try twice as hard and i'm half as liked

by notthebigspoon



Series: Burn It To The Ground [3]
Category: Baseball RPF, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick has always done right by Daryl and Daryl likes him well enough. But when he comes back from an exploratory mission without Madison, all Daryl can think of is that he wants to kill the man.</p><p>Title taken from Some Nights by Fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i try twice as hard and i'm half as liked

When Rick comes back from an exploratory mission with Madison alone, explaining that they'd been overcome by walkers and he'd just had to run, Madison had told him to, Daryl punches him until his face his a mass of bruised and bloody flesh. He has no doubt that Madison _had_ told Rick to leave him behind, but he only stops hitting the jackass when T-Dog and Buster drag him off. Tim and Buster aren't any happier but they insist this isn't the way to deal with the situation. Daryl knows exactly how to deal with the situation. He grabs his gun and he grabs his bow and he trudges into the woods.

He comes back each night for three nights and maybe it was the experience with Sophia, but he's starting to give up hope. Rick hadn't seen the walkers get Madison but they can all reasonably ascertain what's happened. What usually happens these days.

Most of the time, he's not sure who hates Rick more, him or Madison's friends or if maybe Buster and Tim hate Daryl. After all, he should have been the one to have gone with Rick but Madison had all but made him stay behind because of a head cold. 

There's no desire to move on. Because moving on means even less of a chance of ever finding the man he loves. And god, how he hates himself for waiting this long to admit that to himself and for never telling Madison how he felt in spite of all those 'accidental' touches and stolen moments.

They stay in place for over a week. Some of the group wants to move on but Grimes seems guilt ridden and delays it, uneasily glancing at Tim, Daryl and Buster, who have branched off into their own corner of the camp, every time he refuses. Daryl doesn't acknowledge him, busies himself with hunting or watching the kids because that was one of Madison's favorite things to do. Their innocence and utter incomprehension of the terrible world they lived in had given the man hope, made his days that much easier he said. 

“Daryl...”

“Don't.”

“Look, you gotta understand, he _told_ me to go. I couldn't... I couldn't have changed anything.”

Daryl gives Rick a look of contempt, still cleaning his gun. “I ain't gotta understand shit, Grimes. Alls I gotta understand is that this sounds an awful lot like Shane and Otis. An awful lot.”

Rick looks sick, absolutely horrified and Daryl feels a sick pleasure in knowing he hit him where it hurts the most. The man still feels guilty about Shane and Daryl isn't above twisting that knife. “Daryl, please. I wouldn't do that to a person. Shane, it was because I _had_ to. He would have gotten us all killed. You know that.”

Daryl does know that and he doesn't want to give Rick any sort of absolution but he can't help a slight nod. He says something barely audible about moving on the next day because it's been nine days now and the longer he stays here, the more it's going to hurt. He brings it up to Buster and Tim. Tim looks sick but Buster looks resigned and agrees.

The next day, the entire group is up at the crack of dawn to start packing things up to move on. Daryl's helping to roll up Tim and Buster's tent when Tim says the first words he's spoken in three days.

“Did he ever tell you what we did?”

“Said y'all played baseball but he didn't tell me much other than that. Seemed to hurt him to talk about it.” Daryl frowns. He'd told Madison what he'd done, working at the garage and selling his paintings on the side, but Madison had always shied away from the subject and Daryl hadn't wanted to push.

“He was... fantastic. People loved him. There was this great commercial, one of the beat writers complaining about babysitting his cow again.” Tim chokes on it, somewhere between tears and laughter. “Did you ever tell him? How crazy you are about him?”

“No. Fucking chickened out. Every fucking time.” 

“You've never looked like you were afraid of anything.”

“Only of that.”

“Because he's a guy?”

“Because I could _lose_ him.” Daryl laughs bitterly. “And y'know what? It doesn't help any to have avoided it. Because all I can think is that I wish I would have taken my chance when I had it. Shouldn't let things with Buster slip by, Tim.”

Tim doesn't answer, just gives him a broken look and then a nod before helping Daryl load his own gear up. They're doing a double sweep of their campgrounds to make sure that nothing has been left behind when Addy, sitting on a blanket with a napping Lee, burbles and waves her hands in the air. Giving the child a small smile, Daryl scoops her up and cradles her against his chest, cheek pressed against her fluffy hair. He ignores Buster's smile and hum of approval, just closes his eyes for a minute and takes this small comfort because here's at least one person in the world that loves him.

“We should... go.”

The tone is faint and far away, making Daryl frown as he looks back at Rick, who along with the group is staring straight beyond him with wide eyes. Daryl whips around, hand pressed against Addy's back to see what everyone is staring at. There's a rustling, something staggering out of the woods and holy fuck, _Madison_. The guy is filthy but he looks healthy enough and breaks into the hugest smile when he sees them, raising a hand.

Over a week, almost two weeks of nothing and he thought Madison was dead and this... he presses Addy into the closest available set of arms, Glenn in this case, and fucking runs. He crashes into Madison with a strangled noise of disbelief, fisting his hands into the kid's shirt and yanking him down for a rough kiss.

Madison squawks in surprise and then laughs, one hand in Daryl's hair and the other gripping his hip. “Missed you too.”

“You fucking fuck.” Daryl hisses, and he really wants to pull back and shouts but he settles for muttering into the kiss. “Scared the fucking shit out of me, thought I lost you, why the _fuck_ did I let you go anywhere with Grimes, he left you behind, should have known better...”

“I told him to. He has a wife and a son, another baby on the way. If either of us was getting out of that, he needed to the most.”

“I don't give a fuck. You don't pull that shit again. I _love_ you, you son of a bitch, don't make me lose you again.” Daryl snarls and he's surprising himself because yeah, he knew he felt for the kid but even he hadn't realized it was quite this strong.

And apparently neither did Madison, who draws up straight and stares down at Daryl with a stupidly happy grin, nodding. “I... okay. Yeah, okay.”

Rick tries to speak but Daryl glares and pushes him out of the way as he stalks to his truck while Madison trades hugs with Buster and Tim, squeezing the kids and handing them off before following Daryl and climbing into the truck and smiling at him. After his initial outburst and the cooling down period, Daryl is blushing furiously and huffs. “Fuck off. Don't look so proud of yourself. Could have been anyone. Could have been Tim.”

“Uh huh.”

“I mean it.”

“Okay.”

“Shut up!” 

Madison grins and leans over, pulling him into one soft kiss before settling back in the passenger seat. “Yes sir.”


End file.
